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but let's not waste precious time bitching and moaning about THAT particular avenue now, shall we?instead let's contemplate the
i know, i'm moaning and bitching. but it's just all sarcasm and irony. nothing real. really!! if you go to my school and know me, this is all just a load of bullshit.
except the having to drag your
okay. the penny dropped. this was what happened on monday...
Time:16.2.2009 geography.
Location: SMK BU3 1 fikir classroom.
I was happily (odd. i was HAPPY. in SCHOOL) copying down my geography homework(about HOMEWORK) on a pice of paper so I wouldn't forget about it, when suddenly Kimberly San called out in her baby voice (might I say she has a baby face too?) that she isn't sure which one was the correct sentence to copy to the teacher. I, undoubtedly wishing to help my fellow classmate, pointed out the sentence with my index finger.
Which was, of course, a big mistake.
Cuz' then, in her baby voice (which is starting to sound more and more like a goat's bleat, no offence, kim.) called out to the teacher to alert my having a shiny nail. Ah yes, nail enamels shouldn't be as glossy as they are. Unfortunately, Fionna, who loves bringing forth trouble on others, screeches to the geo teacher, to amplify kim's small voice. The teacher walks in front of my desk. My nails are brought onto his light fo vision. Fortunately for me he said " Aiyah.... colourless is legal!" and continues to his next class.
Although I wasn't punished for it, I was very very embarrassed. And also, extremely angry and a teeney tiney bit hurt. "How could she?" I thought." Kimberly, you despicable Judas! I was helping you in your geography homework too!" As my mind turned this around, my hurt blossomed, scarlet and black in my mind, like a big, ugly flower in a cruel spring. I did not blame Fionna, because tyrannacy is her nature. But Kimberly! After all those times I saw Ching Ying and Fionna bullying her (but I always see her smiling. Maybe she thinks it's a game but I think it's a harsh treatment to someone you befriend) and trying to be of help by telling them to lay off (which falls on deaf ears. All three pairs of them.). My hurt seeped into my line of sight, blurring everything. But then... rubbing my eyes, to my dismay, were tears. A sign of weakness. Horrible to have when you are in a room full of adolescents. But I knew, because of my not-sobbing condition, that they were tears of anger. The storm in my heart has to come out somehow, and my eyes somehow were the clouds while my tears where the rain. What was the thunder? Ah yes, my thunder was words. I twisted around and hissed. "I'm gonna get you for this!" They were laughing. Grrr...
"Nail polish, nail polish!" giggled a sadistic Fionna.
Now, the anger has cuaght my toungue; what I would have said if I weren't so toungue tied was " Shut up, you goddamned bitch! Don't make me even more disgusted with you than I already am!" but of course not. Not susceptible, cowardly , Bao Jin . Besides, I wasn't even sure they would have understood my vocabulary.
Nevertheless, I swivelled back and concentrated on damming up the tears that were falling like rain, uncontrolled. Breathe, I willed myself. Now stop. you're embarrassing yourself. Not that i wasn't already embarrassed.
There was a time when me and Kim were very friendly to each other( I think), during the dawn of our relationship, But after a while, she seemed to have turned away from me. Perhaps I was not as interesting. Perhaps I was too touchy. Maybe she thinks I'm a geek and would have preferred a more "cooler" group. That was okay. I had other friends too. But THIS was crossing the line. Treachory! God, how I had hated her. I couldn't understand Kimberly's thought process. I had thought of her as a more... matured, intelligent girl, not the giggly, mocking girl time had revealed to me. But before that, I had still respected her as a human being. Until the ultimate offence was flung on me. That accursed tongue of hers. Traitor!!! my mind roared.
Maybe, when Kim and Fionna and Ching Ying were 'playing' (which to me look more like hitting and wrestling), they really have fun. Not like Mei, Sha or Flor and me, who have fun by making jokes and talking and having a walk or going to the mall or sleeping over or something.
Ah... I had humiliated myself in class. A taboo. Unfortunately for me, tears are not viewed as sensitivity, emotionally deep or as a person who has a REAL heart, with REAL feelings, and be treated with more civility.
I have lost my dignity.
It is worse than losing your virginity or sanity. I'm serious.
Kimberly is a Judas, named after the traitor among Jesus' apostles. Glee is to her the silver Judas recieved after betraying Jesus. Except I'm not jesus.
Fionna is Loki, the norse god of mischief. Suits her all too well.
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